Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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