You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
