WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
