I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
