lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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