I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
