I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
