We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
