Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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