Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
