So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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