His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
