I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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