I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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