You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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