The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
