So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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