it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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