All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
