You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
