He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
