We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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