This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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