so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
