I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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