i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
