Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
