I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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