the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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