are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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