Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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