Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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