Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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