Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
