Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
