the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
