I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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