he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
