Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
