I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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