We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
