my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
