it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
