you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
