you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
