He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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