So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
