Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
