the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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