the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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