He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
