He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
