I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
