im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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