All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
