Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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