Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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