This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
