What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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