I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
