Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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