She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Less talking, more tequila
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
