Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
