Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
