I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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