either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
