well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
