miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
