He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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