yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
