My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
