I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
