I could make wine with my vomit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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